Tape Decks

Remember tape decks?  Those muthafuckas had no bass.  Then some fool came out with bass boost.  Damn that’s an ugly name.  If someone was trying to sell me a tape deck and was like “this one has bass boost”,  I’d be like “excuse me?”  “That doesn’t sound too good, just give me one without one of those.”  I mean they could have picked a better word than boost.  It sounds like one of those hard plastic little square chairs that they give the kids at Denny’s and shit.  Here you go kiddies, a hard box for you to sit on so you wont feel so small in this huge oversized booth we made out of old red Buick car seats.  Remember on those old tape decks when you tried to keep the volume down so you could listen to your tapes but not wake anybody else up and disturb them, but then you fucked up and pushed that loud ass Stop button (BLAP).  That button used to startle the hell outta me.  I could have the volume all the way up and the button was still louder than the music.  The muthafuckin Stop button had more bass than the whole damn stereo.  Fuck a bass boost, just hit Stop.  I think I’ll put one of those in my trunk so I can bump shit like a mo-fo.  Shit, one time the muthafucka stopped by itself, 2 minutes later the cops roll by talkin bout someone reported gun shots.  I’m like fool there’s no gun shots, fuckin Side A is outta time that’s all.  And remember when your tapes would start sounding like alien shit, and you’d take the tape out and that brown confetti would be all over the place, shit lookin like it had diarrhea.  Then you’d bust out a pen and stick it in one of those gears and twist it for like 40 minutes to reel it in?  Shit, at least you could fix it though, all you needed was a pen or pencil.  With fuckin CD’s, you fuck around with a pen or pencil, when you put that muthafucka back in the CD player it can’t read shit, and starts makin all kinds of sounds and shit, starts spinning all fast.  C.G. Lucas Original