Christmas Jokes Part II

Sup Everyone.  Hope you all are having a great Christmas,  or holiday, whichever you prefer.  lol  Since you all seemed to like the jokes, I figured I'd post a 2nd batch for you all.  I should hopefully be back to checking everyone's pages tomorrow night...Well, enjoy and have a great day.

An Internet Christmas
T'was the Internet Night Before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Net,
There were hacker's a surfing. Nerds? Yeah, you bet.
The e-mails were stacked by the modem with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.

The newbies were nestled all snug by their screens,
While visions of Java danced in their dreams.
My wife on the sofa and me with a snack,
We just settled down at my rig (it's a Mac).

When out in the Web there arose such a clatter,
I jumped to the site to see what was the matter.
To a new page my Mac flew like a flash,
Then made a slight gurgle. It started to crash!!

I gasped at the thought and started to grouse,
Then turned my head sideways and clicked on my mouse.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
My Mac jumped to a page that wasn't quite clear.

When the image resolved, so bright and so quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick!
More rapid than mainframes, more graphics they came,
Then Nick glanced toward my screen, my Mac called them by name;

"Now Compaq! Now Acer!", my speaker did reel;
"On Apple! On Gateway!" Santa started to squeal!
"Jump onto the circuits! And into the chip!
Now speed it up! Speed it up! Make this thing hip!"

The screen gave a flicker, he was into my "Ram,"
Then into my room rose a full hologram!
He was dressed in all red, from his head to his shoes,
Which were black (the white socks he really should lose).

He pulled out some discs he had stored in his backpack.
Santa looked like a dude who was rarin' to hack!
His eyes, how they twinkled! His glasses, how techno!
This ain't the same Santa that I used to know!

With a wink of his eye and a nod of his head,
Santa soon let me know I had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word, gave my Mac a quick poke,
And accessed my C drive with only a stroke.

He defragged my hard drive, and added a "Dimm,"

Then threw in some cool games, just on a whim!

He worked without noise, his fingers they flew!

He distorted some pictures with Kai's Power Goo!

He updated Office, Excel and Quicken,
Then added a screensaver with a red clucking chicken!
My eyes widened a bit, my mouth stood agape,
As he added the latest version of Netscape.

The drive gave a whirl, as if it were pleased,
St. Nick coyly smiled, the computer appeased.
Then placing his finger on the bridge of his nose,
Santa turned into nothing but ones and zeros!

He flew back into my screen and through my uplink,
Back into the net with barely a blink.
But I heard his sweet voice as he flew from my sight,
"Happy surfing to all, and to all a good byte!"

Ten things to say about gifts you don't like:

10. Boy, if I had not recently shot up four sizes, that would've fit.

9. It would be a shame if the garbage man ever accidentally took this from me.

8. Perfect for wearing in the basement.

7. Well, well, well...

6. I really don't deserve this.

5. Gosh, I hope this never catches fire!

4. I Love it, but I fear the jealousy it will inspire.

3. If the dog buries it, I'll be furious!

2. Sadly, tomorrow I enter the federal witness protection program.

1. To think I got this the year I vowed to give all my gifts to charity.

The politically correct Christmas:
 
On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my Significant Other in a consenting adult, monogamous relationship gave to me:

TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming,

ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note),

TEN melanin deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class system leaping,

NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression,

EIGHT economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk-products from enslaved Bovine-Americans,

SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands,

SIX enslaved Fowl-Americans producing stolen non-human animal products,

FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration,

(NOTE: after members of the Animal Liberation Front threatened to throw red paint at my computer, the calling birds, French hens and partridge have been reintroduced to their native habitat. To avoid further Animal-American enslavement, the remaining gift package has been revised.)

FOUR hours of recorded whale songs

THREE deconstructionist poets

TWO Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled processed tree carcasses and...

ONE Spotted Owl activist chained to an old-growth pear tree.

Merry Christmas Happy Chanukah. Good Kwanzaa. Blessed Yule. Happy Holidays! (unless otherwise prohibited by law)*

*Unless, of course, you are suffering from Seasonally Affected Disorder (SAD). If this be the case, please substitute this gratuitous call for celebration with suggestion that you have a thoroughly adequate day.

Little Known Christmas Fact

Not long ago and far away, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip...but there were problems everywhere.

Four of his elves were sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More Stress. Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey. When he went to the cupboard, he found the elves had hidden the liquor and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the he kitchen floor.

He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made from.

Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said: "Where would you like to put this tree Santa?"

And that my friends, is how the little angel came to be on top of the Christmas tree.

Sung To the Tune of "Deck The Halls"

Deck the malls this Christmas season,
fa la la la la, la la la la
Blow your cash for no good reason,
fa la la la la, la la la la
Push your charge card to its limit
fa la la, la la la, la la la
Your check book now has nothing in it.
fa la la la la, la la la la.
--------------------------------

Oh, the weather outside can bite me
My car won't start to spite me
I can't feel my freakin' nose
Winter Blows, Winter Blows, Winter Blows...

The Top 15 Reindeer Games

15. Strip poker with Mrs.Claus

14. Attach the Mistletoe to Santa's Ass

13. Spin the Salt Lick

12. Crapping down the chimneys of non-believers

11. Moose or Dare

10. Flying into the "No Fly Zone" over Iraq just to watch Saddam do a slow burn and Santa dampen his Depends

9. Bait-and-Shoot Elmo

8. The Annual Turn-Frosty-Yellow-from-50-Paces Contest

7. Scare the Holy Crap Out of the Airline Pilot

6. Convince the Elves to Eat "Raisinets"

5. Pin the Tail on Santa's Big Fat Animal-Abusing Ass

4. Hide the Venison Sausage with Vixen

3. Elf Tossing

2. Sniff the Tail on the Donkey

      and the Number 1 Reindeer Game...
1. The "Rudolph the Shitfaced Reindeer" Drinking Game

 The Office Party

John, woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.

After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him. "Louise," he moaned, "tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?"

"Even worse," she said, her voice oozing scorn. "You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face."

"He's an asshole," John said. "Piss on him."

"You did," came the reply. "And he fired you."

"Well, screw him!" said John.

"I did. You're back at work on Monday."

SANTA'S PICK UP LINES

* I know when you`ve been bad or good -- so let's skip the small talk, sister!
* Hey Babe, when was the last time you did it in a sleigh?
* Ever make it with a fat guy with a whip?
* Some of my best toys run on batteries... <wink wink>
* I see you when you're sleeping - and you don't wear any underwear, do you?
* Screw the "nice" list -- I've got you on my "nice AND naughty" list!
* Wanna join the "Mile High" club?
* That's not a candy cane in my pocket, honey. I'm just glad to see you!
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Dreaming of Diamonds

On Christmas morning a woman told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a beautiful diamond necklace.

What do you think it means?”

“You’ll know tonight,” he said.

That evening just before opening presents, the husband came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.

Delighted, she opened it only to find a book entitled “The Meaning of Dreams.”
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Hanukkah Tree

Admiring the Christmas trees displayed in his neighbor's windows, a child asks his father, "Daddy, can we have a Hanukkah Tree?"

"What? No, of course not." says his father.

"Why not?" asks the child again.

Bewildered, his father replies, "Because the last time we had dealings with a lighted bush we spent 40 years in the wilderness."

Children's X-Mas Carols

A teacher in Atlanta asked her students to write the words to their favorite Christmas Carols. She probably got fired for mentioning Christmas in school. Anyway here are some of the humorous lines she received:

Deck the Halls with Buddy Holly

We three kings of porridge and tar

On the first day of Christmas my tulip gave to me

Later on we'll perspire, as we dream by the fire.

He's makin a list, chicken and rice.

Noel. Noel, Barney's the king of Israel.

With the jelly toast proclaim

Olive, the other reindeer. (all of the other reindeer)

Frosty the Snowman is a ferret elf, I say

Sleep in heavenly peas

In the meadow we can build a snowman, Then pretend that he is sparse and brown

You'll go down in listerine

Oh, what fun it is to ride with one horse, soap and hay

O come, froggy faithful

You'll tell Carol, "Be a skunk, I require"

Christmas Jokes

Hey Everyone...

  Sorry, haven't been able to post lately and check many of your posts.  Kids are off for the holidays and family get togethers.  So, I'll try and get caught up after Christmas.  I hope you all are enjoying your holidays.  Figured I'd post a few Christmas jokes for you all.  Hope you enjoy...and have a great Christmas Holiday weekend, or whatever else you may celebrate.

Top 10 "Politically Correct" Christmas Carols

1.  O' Holiday Tree
2.  Have Yourself A Merry Little Day of Winter
3.  Frosty the Snowperson
4.  Chestnuts Roasting on a Safely Contained, Continuously Monitored, Eco-friendly, Non-toxic Outdoor Fire (for which I do have a permit)
5.  Higher Power Rest Ye Merry Gentle People
6.  Grandma Allegedly Got Run Over By An Unidentified Non-Human Perpetrator
7.  Deck the Halls With Boughs of Un-endangered Foliage (if office policy permits)
8.  Hark!  The Herald Mythical Winged Creature Sings
9.  I Saw Mommy Greeting Santa Claus With A Purely Platonic Expression of Inoffensive Affection
10.  I'll Be Home For A Short Time in December
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T'was the night before Christmas
and all through the house
Everyone felt shitty
Even the mouse
Dad at the whore house,
Mom smokin' grass
and I settled down
For a nice piece of ass.
Then out on the lawn
There arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my piece
To see what was the matter.
He came down the chimney
Like a bat out of hell,
I knew right away
That fat fucker fell.
He filled all the stockings
With pretzels and beer
And a big rubber dick
For my brother the queer!
He rose up the chimney
With one hell of a fart,
That son of a bitch
Blew my chimney apart!
He swore and he cursed
As he flew out of sight,
'Piss on you all
And have one hell of a night!'
Money is short, Times are hard
Here's your fucking Christmas card!!
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I went to the garden center today and bought a Christmas tree.  The assistant asked me, "Will you be putting this up yourself?"

I replied, "No, you sick bastard.  I'll be putting it up in my living room."
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Dashing through the sand with a bomb strapped to my back
I have a nasty plan for Christmas in Iraq
I got through Checkpoint A, but not through Checkpoint B
That's when I got shot in the ass by the US military
Oh, Jingle bombs, jingle bombs, mine blew up you see
Where are all the virgins that Bin Laden promised me
Oh, Jingle bombs, jingle bombs, the US shot me dead
The only thing I have left is this towel upon my head
I use to be a man, but every time that I cough
Thanks to Uncle Sam, my nuts keep falling off
My bombing days are done, I need to find some work
Perhaps it would be much safer as a convenient store night clerk
Oh, Jingle bombs, jingle bombs, I think I got screwed
Don't laugh at me because I'm dead or I kill you!
Love Achmed
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I made myself a snowman, as perfect as can be
I thought I'd keep it as a pet,
And let it sleep with me,
I made it some pajamas,
And a pillow for it's head,
Last night the bastard vanished,
and Fuckin' pissed in my bed.
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Today I realized my penis is a lot like Santa Claus.  It is in charge of hundreds of little workers, it carries a big sack, it has a beard, but most importantly, my wife only wishes for it to come once a year.  Merry Christmas.
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It's 11:00 pm, Christmas eve, and this man didn't get his wife a gift.  He went to the town square, and saw that the only store open was a pet store, so he went inside.  The only pet that they had was a parrot.  He went to the clerk and asked how much it was, and the clerk said, "$1000 dollars, but before you go off your rocker, I must tell you that it is a special parrot.  If you stick a lighter between its legs, it sings a Christmas carol."

So the man buys the parrot, and on the walk home, he sees his son.  He shows his son the parrot, and tells him about its caroling.  He stuck a lighter between its legs, and the parrot sung, "Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way."

The morning of Christmas, the man's wife opened her gift, and she saw the parrot and was completely shocked.  The man said, "wait, that's not all.  He sings Christmas carols too."  So he shoved the lighter between the poor bird's legs, and it sang, "Chestnuts roasting on an open fire..."
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One day a little boy sent Santa a letter saying, "Santa, I want a sister."

So, Santa sent the little boy a letter back saying, "Ok, send me your mom."
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On the first day of textmas, my best friend sent to me a LOL at me

On the 2nd day of textmas, my brother sent to me two Ttyls and an LOL at me

On the 3rd day of textmas, my mommy sent to me 3 loving <3s, two Ttyls, and an LOL at me

On the 4th day of textmas, my emo sent to me 4 FMLs, 3 loving <3s, 2 Ttyls, and an LOL at me

On the 5th day of textmas, my daddy sent me 5 I <3 u's, 4 Fmls, 3 loving <3s, 2 Ttyls, and an LOL at me

On the 6th day of textmas, my whore sent to me 6 sexts, 5 I <3 u's, 4 Fmls, 3 loving <3s, 2 Ttyls, and an LOL at me

On the 7th day of textmas, my teacher sent to me 7 do your homeworks, 6 sexts, 5 I <3 u's, 4 Fmls, 3 loving <3s, 2 Ttyls, and an LOL at me

On the 8th day of textmas, my nerd sent 8 test cheat sheets, 7 do your homeworks, 6 sexts, 5 I <3 u's, 4 Fmls, 3 loving <3s, 2 Ttyls, and an LOL at me

On the 9th day of textmas, my girlfriend sent to me 9 pics of panties, 8 test cheat sheets, 7 do your homeworks, 6 sexts, 5 I <3 u's, 4 Fmls, 3 loving <3s, 2 Ttyls, and an LOL at me

On the 10th day of textmas, my football coach sent to me 10 football game plans, 9 pics of panties, 8 test cheat sheets, 7 do your homeworks, 6 sexts, 5 I <3 u's, 4 Fmls, 3 loving <3s, 2 Ttyls, and an LOL at me

On the 11th day of textmas, my gay friend sent to me 11 pics of dicks, 9 pics of panties, 8 test cheat sheets, 7 do your homeworks, 6 sexts, 5 I <3 u's, 4 Fmls, 3 loving <3s, 2 Ttyls, and an LOL at me

On the 12th day of textmas, my drunk friend sent to me 12 texts of vomit, 11 pics of dicks, 9 pics of panties, 8 test cheat sheets, 7 do your homeworks, 6 sexts, 5 I <3 u's, 4 Fmls, 3 loving <3s, 2 Ttyls, and an LOL at me
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Is There A Santa Claus?

As a result of an overwhelming lack of requests, and with research help from that renowned scientific journal SPY magazine (January, 1990)- I am pleased to present the annual scientific inquiry into Santa Claus.

1.  No known species of reindeer can fly.  BUT, ,there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

2.  There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world.  But, since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the children who believe in different gods, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total- 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau.  At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes.  One presumes there's at least one good child in each.

3.  Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical).  This works out 822.6 visits per second.  This is to say that for each god-believing household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house.  Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding, etc.  This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound.  For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second- a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

4.  The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element.  Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized Lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight.  On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds.  Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point 1) could pull 10x the normal amount, we cannot do the job with 8, or even 9.  We need 214,200 reindeer.  This increases the payload- not even counting the weight of the sleigh- to 353,430 tons.  Again, for comparison- this is 4x the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.

5.  353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance- this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecrafts re-entering the earth's atmosphere.  The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 Quintillion joules of energy per second.  Each.  In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake.  The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second.  Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06x greater than gravity.  A 250 lbs. Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 lbs of force.  In conclusion, if Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.  Merry Christmas.
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Politically Correct Santa

'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct?

His workers no longer would answer to "Elves",
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.

And labor conditions at the north pole
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.

Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.

And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.

So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!?

The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.

And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops.

Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened."

And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows:
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose
And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,
Demanding millions in over-due compensation.

So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,
Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on her title was Ms.

And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion
That making a choice could cause so much commotion.

Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.

Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot.
Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific.
No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.

And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.

For they raised the hackles of those psychological
Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.

No baseball, no football...someone could get hurt;
Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.

Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.

So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next.

He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
But you've got to be careful with that word today.

His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.

Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.

A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion;
Every ethnicity, every hue,
Everyone, everywhere...even you.

So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth...

"May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth."

3 Great Poems

"Invictus" By William Ernest Henley

Dark as the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance,
I have not winced, nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeoning of chance,
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears,
Looms but the horror of the shade.
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.
It matters not how straight the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate.
I am the captain of my soul.
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"Don't Quit" Author Unknown

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road your trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and its turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When they might have won, had they stuck it out.
Don't give up though the pace seems slow,
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victors cup;
And he learned too late when the night came down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when your hardest hit,
It's when things seem worst that you mustn't quit!
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IF by Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master,
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

The Other Tupac Theory

 

  Well, I have the other part of the Tupac Conspiracy Theory that I mentioned before.  It has to do with his first shooting in '94.  This was another possibility, and also had a lot of good information and points.  Most everything else out there is not that great.  So, hope you enjoy and can be a little more enlightened. 

BLACK MAFIA CONSPIRACY THEORY:

  After Tupac was murdered in Las Vegas, few people paid attention to the shooting which occurred in 1994 at a Times Square recording studio. This was never fully explained, even by Tupac, but police ruled it a robbery attempt of Tupac's thousands of dollars in gold. There are still many questions which need to be answered especially concerning the beef between Tupac and Bad Boy records since Tupac claimed they set the 1994 shooting up. The following story reports everything which I have learned about the shooting. My sources are very credible but keep in mind that I have no hard evidence to back up my claims. Please feel free to judge for yourself whether what I say makes sense or not.

  First we must go back to November 30th, 1994. At 12:20 a.m., Tupac and his entourage of three men, including "Stretch" Walker of the Live Squad who was a close friend and his manager Freddie Moore, enter the building. One black male sits on a desk in the entrance way of the office building where the Quad is located. The man gets up from the desk as two other men walk through the door. Lil' Caesar had yelled down to Tupac's crew from the top of the recording studio so Tupac knew Biggie was there and felt safe thinking that these men were his security. The three men start to follow Tupac's entourage until they get to the elevators. It is at this point that they draw their guns and yell, "Give up the jewelry, and get on the floor!" Tupac's entourage quickly get on the floor but Tupac curses the gunmen and goes for one of the guns. In the struggle, Tupac is shot five times while his manager is hit once. The robbers then get off with $40,000 in jewelry. Moore gives chase to the robbers but collapses next door. Tupac is dragged into the elevator and taken upstairs where there are several well known individuals including Biggie Smalls and Sean "Puffy" Combs. Tupac would later describe the scene as very strange. He said that nobody even got up to help him but only stared at him as if they were surprised he was alive. Tupac said that the only person showing any emotion was Little Shawn who was crying. Later Tupac would mimic this scene in a rare video in which he walks from the elevator covered with blood as Biggie begs for his life blaming Puffy for the set up. This was perhaps Tupac's way of getting the truth to his fans. As he lay riddled with bullets, Tupac reportedly had someone roll him a joint and then he made a call to his girlfriend who called his mother and then he called 911.

Officers arrived on the scene soon after the call was placed. When officers arrived, Tupac was greeted by the same officers which had arrested and testified against him in the sexual assault trial. This would lead many to believe that the police may have had something to do with it or the rape victim was seeking revenge but these would apparently turn out to be false accusations. Tupac had been shot five times throughout his body including two shots to the head. Miraculously he survived and was loaded into the ambulance where one of the greatest pictures of him ever was taken. Covered in blood and bandages, he flips the photographer off. He is rushed to the Bellevue trauma department where he is rushed into surgery. To everyone's surprise, Tupac later checks out less than three hours after his surgery claiming that he fears for his life.

  The next day, Tupac makes a surprise appearance in a Manhattan courtroom in anticipation of the verdict in his sexual assault trial. He is surrounded by Nation of Islam bodyguards and is in a wheelchair.  Although the verdict comes back guilty of a lesser offense, Tupac is rallied around by friends Jasmine Guy and Mickey Rourke. He remained free on $25,000 bail.

  Soon after he was sentenced to serve time on Riker's Island. Very little happened while he was in prison although he would reveal later that people in prison were telling him that it was Biggie's boy who shot him. Tupac's cousin even witnessed the shooters bragging that they had just shot him. These details were revealed by Tupac in one of his last interviews with KMEL. Almost one year later, Tupac was freed on bail pending appeal by Marion "Suge" Knight of Death Row records in exchange for a three album deal with Death Row.

  As soon as Tupac got to California, Tabitha Soren of MTV met with him for an interview. In that interview, Tupac looked deeply troubled when asked about the shooting as if he were scared to give too many details to the public out of fear for another attempt on his life. His confidence seemed to build up after that interview as he went on to point the finger at Bad Boy records as being responsible for the shooting. Puffy would later say that they had nothing to do with the shooting and that Tupac knew who shot him. It seems obvious that it was an inside job based on the fact that the robbers knew where he would be. Also, the robbers went right after Tupac rather than deal with Stretch who was much bigger. Tupac would later have a falling out with Stretch as Stretch became close with Bad Boy and had possibly known of the setup. Stretch was later found murdered execution style in Jamaica, Queens (NYC) exactly one year to the day after Tupac was shot in New York. Is that just another coincidence? I have heard that Stretch had been warned that his life was in danger, but he disregarded these warnings.

  Tupac tells a lot of things in the song "Against All Odds" on the Makaveli album. When he says, "And that nigga that was down with me/ Restin' dead/ Switched sides, guess his new friends wanted him dead/ Probably was murdered for the shit that I said," he is talking about Stretch. When he says, "Puffy's gettin' robbed like a bitch/ To hide that fact, he did some shit he shouldn't did/ So now he's ridin' for that," he is talking about Puffy being involved in the set up and being robbed by the financiers of Bad Boy. Perhaps he wasn't robbed as much if he helped set Tupac up. That would explain Puffy being more involved while Biggie just knew about the set up. There is another part of the song which possibly relates to the set up. When he says, "And did I mention/ Promised a payback, Jimmy Henchman/ In due time/ I knew you bitch niggas was listening/ The world is mine/ Set me up/ Wet me up/ Niggas stuck me up/ Heard the guns bust/ But you tricks never shut me up," he could either be implicating Henchmen Management/Entertainment in the shooting or the verse is split and he is just talking about another beef he had with them. Interpret how you want, but Tupac was telling the truth when he said "This be the realest shit I ever wrote."

  All signs pointed to Bad Boy at least knowing before hand of the shooting. Tupac never said Bad Boy was directly responsible, only that they "set him up." He would later say that he had met the shooter because he was a friend of Biggie's and Biggie had warned Tupac not to mess with him. When Tupac said that Bad Boy "set him up," he meant that they didn't warn him of the coming attack and possibly provided info about his location that night. Tupac had also said that he kept getting calls asking why he wasn't at the studio yet because he was delayed an hour trying to get some weed. Why would Bad Boy have been so concerned about getting him to the studio that late? It seems very obvious they were in on it.

Now, that all the details are laid out, the new question becomes what was the motive if it wasn't just a routine robbery? This question must be asked because why would Bad Boy set Tupac up for a $40,000 robbery by common thieves. That wouldn't make sense at all since they were all friends at the time. There was a more powerful party at work here, not just common thieves, who were powerful enough to force Puffy and Biggie to cooperate out of fear. This is where things get really interesting.

The story is that Tupac was shot because of some dealings with some shady people in New York known as the "Black Mafia." These people, it is rumored, financed Bad Boy records. Tupac met some of these people in New York, including the mysterious Trevor aka King Tut who later admitted to some undercover cops that he had been involved in the shooting and it was because Tupac "needed to be disciplined."  Who paid for Tut's legal bills?  None other than Puffy who still denies it.  It is said that these "Black Mafia" characters demanded that Tupac sign on to Bad Boy records since Bad Boy still really wasn't on the scene and needed an artist like Tupac but Tupac refused the demands. Tupac was supposed to die that night. This was punishment for saying no. If you remember Tupac, in his first interview after being shot, said in Vibe that people were trying to kill him. These were those people. That is another reason why Tupac went to Death Row, because Suge could provide the protection he needed. Puffy played the real role in this shooting, although Biggie knew about it. Puffy didn't order the shooting, he however, helped set up Tupac. Also, if you recall, Tupac never said Puffy did it, he said he was set up by Puffy.

There is also another possibility behind the motive of the shooting which is different from punishing Tupac for not signing with Bad Boy.   After the rape case started, Tupac blamed Jacques Agnant a.k.a. Haitain Jack for setting him up in the trial.  This was suspicious because Tupac got the absolute maximum penalty for the charges he was found guilty of while Agnant received like 3 months suspended sentence and he was rumored to be a federal informant which is why Pac called him a snitch.  In the N.Y. Daily News, in an article by a reporter who was talking about the rape case, the reporter, Pac and Mickey Rourke were in a restaurant and Pac dissed Jack in the article.  In Vibe, Pac said that Nigel (Haitain Jack) introduced him to Booker (Jimmy Henchmen) and that Jimmy knew somebody that Pac had major beef with meaning Jack and Trevor aka Walter (King Tut) Johnson.  King Tut was the one that Tupac said, in the interview with Tech and Sway on KMEL, that a week before he was shot Tut walked in with Biggie and Biggie told Pac not to fuck with him.  So right there, you can see that Biggie knew the shooter quite well. Also, in that jail interview, Pac was asked if the shooters were both black men and Pac said that they were black men in their thirties.  Both King Tut and Jack were both in their thirties.   They both shot him up and it was Jimmy Henchman that called him up. So this other motive is that King Tut shot Pac because he "needed to be disciplined" for dissing Jack in that article because he was Tut's homeboy.

There were still a few issues which didn't seem to fit.   Originally, Pac thought that the police had set him up.  He kind of abandoned that accusation but here is a quote about the scene after the shooting:

"Officers arrived on the scene soon after the call was placed. When officers arrived, Tupac was greeted by the same officers which had arrested and testified against him in the sexual assault trial. This would lead many to believe that the police may have had something to do with it or the rape victim was seeking revenge but these would apparently turn out to be false accusations."

This seems more than coincidence because New York City has a special case squad located in the 13th precinct. The detectives in this squad handle all high profile cases within NYC. They would have been called to the scene immediately after confirmation that this was a Tupac related incident.  But who shows up, the same officers that arrested Pac.  Coincidence or conspiracy?

This is the story of the 1994 shooting in New York City. Think of it what you will but realize that there is more to the music business than the ordinary media will show. With all the details emerging from this shooting nearly 2 and a half years later, we must ask ourselves if the shooting in Las Vegas was just another jewelry robbery or if it was the complex situation like that which surrounded the 1994 shooting. Keep in mind that Tupac was shot in 1994 because he didn't sign a contract therefore not making money for Bad Boy and it was covered up with the front of a robbery. Now we must ask, was Tupac shot in Las Vegas in 1996 because his contract was over with Death Row and it was covered up with the medallion robbery story. Did history repeat itself? You be the judge.


*That was part of the conspiracy that dealt with the "Black Mafia."  The following were comments to this post by other people familiar with the "Black Mafia" and who have delved into the Tupac shootings.*

They've (Black Mafia) been around for years. They helped Bad Boy get started and Puffy wanted Pac on his label. That's supposedly one of the reasons why he got into it with them in the fist place after the shooting and everything.
----------------------------

The whole shit is crazy, 'cause how the fuck did these cats know where Pac was gonna be if it was a set up from some homies on another coast?..I heard Puff does hang with some real street homies.  If they're extorting him, he's dumb that's on him...
-------------------------------------

Puffy use to get extorted by his bodyguard. I forgot his name but that bodyguard is dead now and he was part of the reason why Suge had a problem with Puff (before the west vs east coast thing)
-------------------------------------
   
Pac shot for not signing to Bad Boy; Pac shot 'cause of $40,000 worth of jewelry with a street value under $15,000? That's all bs. There was more to this shit. I love Pac, but we can't forget in Pac's younger days he had a reckless mouth and a very reckless style. Pac talked ALOT...Maybe Pac said something that would expose B.M.F. But, the 94 shooting was about more than $40,000 in jewelry (word is that shit wasn't worth 40, and that was just a good coverup----making it look like a simple robbery to the uninformed).
---------------------------------------

(Against All Odds was about B.M.F.) and the part where Pac says, "I know u bitch niggaz is listenin', the world is mine" is a diss to B.M.F. who's slogan has been "the world is ours." That's why that was some real shit, 'cause at the time regular people just thought Pac was saying "the world is mine," but infact he was talking to B.M.F., that's gangsta.
--------------------------------------

I remember somebody saying a while back that Pac knew he would not be alive when Against All Odds came out, he mentioned too much street shit that regular cats didn't know anything about.
--------------------------------------

...The biggest attribute to those gangsters is extortion. They know who's gay, they got sex tapes, you may have ordered someone to murk somebody, they got info like that and will exhort you. Puff's been paying them their money plus interest, but they got so much dirt on Puff, they'll forever be on Puff's payroll. Puff can't use another crime family to get out of his dealings with B.M.F., too much shit has went down over the years--- he's in too deep.
------------------------------------

...Jimmy Henchmen is Game's manager and owns Henchmen Entertainment, which a lot of mainstream artists have ties with (probably extortion / protection money links)

Also Hatitian Jack sued Pac's estate for millions after Pac died as he says he cannot find a job now that everyone thinks he's an informant.
-----------------------------------

...In an interview just before he died, he said he names all of the people who set him up on the Makaveli album.

    I think Biggie, etc., knew that Tut, etc., was gonna set him up and didn't say ish. That's why he was pissed with Bad Boy.
---------------------------------

And all these dudes knew each other which makes it even more believable, but Biggie knew what was going down but was scared to talk.

The guy who destroyed Puff's cousin is from BMF, his name is Meech
---------------------------------
  
Yeah he's the head guy of BMF...

It's strange as they're Black Mafia Family, but Puff pays money to the Black Mafia in New york for protection. I wondered if both gangs are linked and Puffy refused to keep paying them so they popped his new bodyguard or something?
--------------------------------

Man, Puff owed BMF a lot of money back then...

He had a big problem betting on basketball.
---------------------------------

He must of had faith in the Knicks or somethin...
cause rumors were back then, he was just signing over his checks from Ready To Die (Biggie's Album) to them.
---------------------------------

Tut used to walk around East New York with Pac's chain on.  Ask any real homie from Brooklyn, they'll tell you. Haitian Jack's Wyclef's godfather, so that's how the Fugees got dragged in that ish. Pac shouted some real Brooklyn extortion homiez on that track, and he knew there was gonna be repercussions. I had a new respect for Pac also after I heard that ish, and found out what was really going on. Most people thought it was on some East Coast vs. West Coast ish, but Pac was on some survival ish. He knew Death Row was the only unit strong enough to hold him down; and he still got popped...
----------------------------------

Always wondered why he dissed the Fugees, props for that...
----------------------------------

Pac was destroyed because he was too smart for his own good. He was Bigger Than hip hop. Look at his ties: Black Panther's, Suge, BMF, (B.L.A., Bloods and Crips), he's smart and he got money. A homie like that can't live, the MAN won't let him.
-----------------------------------

...this gettin' kinda clear now. I head that that homie Big Meech was the real owner of Bad Boy south...maybe this was Puff's way of payin his debt off to the BMF, let them homies invest in a legit record label to wash that dirty money.
----------------------------------
   
All that is known is that them BMF cats have alot of pull down there....the rumor back in the day was that they provided seed money for Bad Boy and used the label to wash dirty money....
------------------------------------

If you listen to the last 2 interviews that Pac did, "In His Own Words," and the one that was on the "Thug Immortal" dvd, he tells you what's really going on in deeper detail...he even says, "what it is is that them east coast drug dealers got them homies under extortion and I came and fucked up everything."  He was also saying something about them wanting him to join Bad Boy and he said no, and talked about it in an interview in the news papers and they were also heated at him about that.
-----------------------------------

...2pac went in the NY TIMES (Newspaper) and said: "Hatian Jack, King Tut and Black Mafia is extorting Biggie & Puffy...them don't pay them shit." Why you think Pac got his ass shot in NY?  If you could read the paper about 93/94...you would know in plain English what he was saying...
-------------------------------------

I'm listening to the Makaveli album all day , just wondering about at the end of that ish it has never be clear to me about who he really was talking about when he said "Against All Odds"

(Twenty-one gun salute)
One love to my true thug niggas (Outlaw! Outlaw! Outlaw!)
Twenty-one gun salute to my niggas that die in the line of duty
Representin to the fullest bein soldiers with military minds
that play the rules of the game, twenty-one gun salute
I salute you my niggas, stay strong
I ride for you, I rhyme for you, I roll for you, it's all for you
To all you bitch made homies, I'm comin for you
Against all odds, I don't care who the fuck you is, nigga
You touch me I'm at you
I know you motherfuckers think that I forgot
Hell no I ain't forgot nigga
I just remember what you told me
You said don't go to war unless I got my money behind me
Aight, I got my money right here, now I want war
-----------------------------------

There was more comments and other information, but I didn't want to make it any longer.  Basically, if you get the gist of it...BMF was involved in Pac's '94 shooting.  It can also lead one to believe that they may have finished the job in Las Vegas, since they didn't kill him the 1st time.  BMF is very powerful, lots of ties, lots of money, and could pay people off to accomplish...even Suge Knight if the price was right.  Because Suge was all about making money.

I wanted this one posted so you had another theory to work with...and because it kind of ties in with the nograpes theory also.  She mentions all of these people.  So, it could be that Pac was in so deep that in order to survive he had to fake his own death. Either to get away from the government trying to assassinate him, or BMF, or someone else.  Or it could be like he said in Against All Odds, "I'll probably be murdered for the shit that I said."  He spoke out about BMF and government informants, so they could have worked together to get the job done.  Regardless, there are many theories out there.  Based on what you have read and seen, and any research you may have done, or may do, you can come to your own conclusion.  Anyway you look at it though, there was a conspiracy somewhere in it.

If any of you have more info, more facts, or more research you have done, I welcome you all to contribute.  I find it interesting and love to learn new things all the time.  Or if you have any questions, feel free to ask, and I will do my best to answer them, or find the answer for you.

Jokes And Funny Pics

Decided today to put some jokes up and a few funny pics, since the last few posts were more serious.  Lmao.  I will however, be posting one, maybe two, depending on how long it ends up being, more Tupac theories and info, that was also interesting.  For those interested, anyways.  Hope you all had a great weekend, and have a great week.  Enjoy.

Son asked his mother the following question:

'Mom, why are wedding dresses white?' The mother looks at her son and replies,

'Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure.'

The son thanks his Mom and goes off to double-check this with his father.

'Dad why are wedding dresses white?'

The father looks at his son in surprise and says,

'Son, all household appliances come in white.'
--------------------------------

During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive another 'Economic Stimulus' payment.

This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format:

Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment?
A.. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers

Q. Where will the government get this money ?
A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?
A. Only a smidgen of it.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?
A.. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.S. economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

* If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka ..

* If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.

* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India , Taiwan or China .

* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico , Honduras and Guatemala .

* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea .

* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan .

* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

Instead, keep the money in America by:

1) Spending it at yard sales, or

2) Going to ball games, or

3) Spending it on prostitutes, or

4) Beer or

5) Tattoos.

(These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S.)

Conclusion:

Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day !

No need to thank me, I'm just glad I could be of help.

Little Johnny ... Ready for Christmas Break!

It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal. Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today." Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question." Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?" Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln." Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home." Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first. Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?" Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King." Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go." Johnny is even madder than before. Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?" Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy." Teacher: "That's right
Nancy, you may also leave." Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions. When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!" The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?" Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?" 

There are 70 ways to keep a woman happy

One is to take her shopping.

The rest is 69.
------------------------------------------------------

Golf and Public Restrooms

10. Keep your back straight, knees bent, feet shoulder width apart.

9. Form a loose grip.

8. Keep your head down.

7. Avoid a quick backswing.

6. Stay out of the water.

5. Try not to hit anybody.

4. If you are taking too long, you should let others go ahead of you.

3. You shouldn't stand directly in front of others.

2. Be quiet while others are about to go.

1. Keep strokes to a minimum.

Nogrape's Tupac Theory Part III

  Ok all.  This is the final part of the nograpes theory.  Sorry for not posting earlier.  Spent the day with my kids, and just got them in bed.  So haven't been on until now.  This third part is a little long, but not as long as the 2nd.  There are other interesting things that can always be added to this too.  But, those weren't in nograpes theory at the time.  So, I'll save that for another day. lol  Well, here we go...enjoy.


Nograpes Theory Part III:


"To go underground is very difficult. Whatever made you unique as a
person, you have to change all of that and become somebody totally
different.  You are out of contact with your family." -Former BLA member.
---------------------------------------------------------------------

As I have stated in part II of my theory, I believe Tupac Shakur has gone
"underground," that does not imply going under the earth or anything of
that nature.  The meaning of going underground is what the above^ quote
suggests: that a person must change him/herself, physically, mentally, and
emotionally; including the use of false identification, however, one may
suggest it may be a lot easier to just "fake your death..."

Was Tupac shot 9/7/'96?  Yes
Did Tupac die 9/13/'96?  No

In his song "Hold Ya Head," from his Makaveli album (track 11), he
says: "Running from the authorities, til they capture me, And my aim is
to spread more smiles than tears, utilize lessons learned from my
childhood years..."  [Note, every BLA member who has been
underground has stayed put until they were captured. But this doesn't
mean we won't ever see Tupac again. i.e. Mutulu Shakur (stepfather
of Tupac) underground for 5 years until captured in 1985, Sekou
Odinga (father of Yafeu Fula) underground for 12 years until he was
captured].  In that quote, did Tupac not say that he was going to
"utilize lessons learned from his childhood?"  If you recall during his
childhood he was around members of the BLA, BPP, and RNA (Black
Liberal Army, Black Panther Party, and Republic of New Africans)

Another thing, Tupac often mentions in his songs: "Conversations with
comrades kicking [speaking] Swahili."  Does he really know how to
speak Swahili?  It is possible, not to mention the likeliness of him being
in Africa is very high considering comrade Geronimo Pratt [his
Godfather, and once minister of defense for the BPP] now lives there.
Or how about Cuba, with comrade Assata Shakur?  But then again that
is where everyone would expect him to be. More than likely Tupac is
here, in the "Good, ol' USA."

Many things were reported about Tupac's "death," some things true,
and the rest, of course, false.  Tupac Shakur was shot four times in
Las Vegas, NV on September 7, 1996; and died seven days later on
September 13th.  Part of that sentence was correct, Tupac was shot,
but IT WASN'T TUPAC WHO DIED!!! The media failed, like usual,
to report the more important findings surrounding this assassination
attempt.  How many people are aware of the "plot" to rid the world of
Tupac Shakur?  Not many.  This plot was executed by Marion Suge Knight,
and financed and arranged by the highest-ranking socialites of corporate
and political America (not to mention the aid of Government Agents,
Informants, and the leeway of the Mafia).

Tupac Shakur has always been active politically.  Other than his art
(acting and rapping) he was planning the rebirth of all the "underdogs" in
America.  He devised a plan to transform the street thug into a street
soldier.  He noticed that no one in government wanted to deal with the
problems in the urban ghettos. He realized the potential in the young men
[that] society had thrown away.

He knew there was a way to change the mentality of those involved in the
street hustle.  "I think gangs can be positive, it just has to be organized
and without violence."  He developed a code of ethics for all people
engaged in criminal activity (drug dealers, gang bangers, etc) to live by
with hopes of rebuilding urban communities, eliminating black on black
and all [other] racially motivated violence, provide strength and economic
stability into the community by maintaining black owned business, instead
of drug dealing, and he made plans to reform the education system.  Tupac
would frequently invoke the names of Mutulu, Geronimo, and other "political
prisoners" in his lyrics.  "It was like their words with my voice," he said, "I
just continued where they left off.  I tried to add spark to it, I tried to be
the new breed, the new generation.  I tried to make them proud of me."
But, at the same time, he did not want to be them.  Their revolution, and in
most cases their lives, too, were ashes.  Tupac saw a problem plaguing his
generation: self-destruction.  In order to CHANGE the future he needed
the movement that would focus on some sort of law, or codes, people
involved in crime could live by in order to eventually turn them into
productive citizens in their communities.  His movement was/is called
T.H.U.G.L.I.F.E. (The Hate You Gave Little Infants Fucks Everyone).


He believed with all his heart this movement called T.H.U.G.L.I.F.E. had
a chance.  When the top gangsters began listening and telling Tupac they
would follow his lead- this scared various parties of government; they saw
in Tupac what they feared in Dr. Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, Fred
Hampton and others- they saw a REVOLUTIONARY.  Seeing how
Tupac outlasted the Media Assault waged against him, and how he was
having a positive and powerful effect on inner cities all around America,
they became intent on eliminating him.  They wanted to do away with
Tupac in a fashion that was old-fashion [assassination] and guaranteed
to work without any connection to them and the crime.  That is where the
Entertainment Industry comes in.  The "establishment," or "power that be,"
have more ties to the entertainment business than anyone.   This plot
involves Agents, Gangsters, CEO's, Informants, Politicians, and
crooked Cops all working in conjunction to assassinate Tupac Shakur.
The establishment all the way down to the actual triggerment under-
estimated Tupac Shakur's intelligence, prophetic instincts, and
determination.  Since the first shooting in 1994 Tupac received death
threats.  After discovering money owed to him was not paid by Suge
Knight the connection between his known enemies and those he did
not know was realized.

I KNOW YOU ALL ARE CURIOUS AS TO HOW TUPAC SHAKUR
FOOLED HIS ENEMIES.

THE FOLLOWING IS A SECTION OF THE "ALIVE ASPECT" PORTION
OF THE THEORY.

While researching his role [Tupac plays a heroin attack] for the movie
Gridlock'd, Tupac spent a lot of time in hospitals, visiting heroin addicts.  It
was in a Bellflower Medical Center [9542 E Artesia Blvd, Bellflower, CA,
L.A.county] that Tupac met Devan Clark, a young man addicted to heroin
and slowly dying of Aids.  Tupac, as well as other people at the center,
was surprised at the strong resemblance the two of them shared.  Tupac
spoke with Devan who admitted to being a long time fan.  He promised
Devan he would return at a later date to listen to his story.  Tupac would
keep his promise as he returned to Devan, but this time he was aware of
the plot on his life and wanted to include Devan in his plan to evade
death.  He asked Devan if he ever heard of a medical procedure called
Euthanasia.  Tupac then offered Devan a proposition: "Give your life,
which is gone already, for your family to have as much money as they
need for the rest of their lives?"  At that point Tupac told Devan about
the plot on his life and who he believed was behind it.  He explained that
he wasn't exactly sure when the attempt would take place, but if he
survived he planned to go away, to fake his death, and he wanted to use
his body to represent his own knowing there would be no way to avoid
the police from wanting to see his dead body.  He told Devan he would
be cremated, so that after initial finger printing they could never view the
body again (It is my belief that Devan Clark accepted Tupac's proposition).

Now understand the clue on the inside of the Makaveli CD cover with the
3 fingerprints.  The coroner takes a minimum of 3 of the deceased fingers
and fingerprints for an identification.  You also see a fingerprint in the
album "R U Still Down Remember Me."  This is also a clue to let us
know he has gone underground "false identification."

How did Tupac get his finger prints on Devan Clark?  It was not as hard
as it may sound.  Actually the task was probably as easy as an egg of Silly
Putty.  Silly Putty is a combination of boric acid and silicone oil, and can be
used to lift fingerprints.  If you put Silly Putty onto your fingers and then
carefully peel the mold and replace it on the hand of another person, it is
possible for you to successfully plant your fingerprints onto them. [Try it!
It's kind of fun, you also need a ink pad]

For Tupac they used something very similar, a combination of boric acid,
silicone oil, and liquid latex to form a very light clear mold in which his
fingerprints were transferred onto Devan Clark [the mold has to be burned
or melted onto the flesh]

The BLA is more than capable of assisting Tupac [their prince].  I've
already proved that Commander John Thomas was in Las Vegas during
that time, as well as many other underground comrades.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Not the best Pic But Try And Note the Height and Weight: Totally Different than Tupac's

In the Impound Lot a Week After the Shooting

A pic of the guys who purchased the car from the Impound.

The Car Supposedly Used for the Shooting.

Nogrape's Tupac Theory Part Duex

  Well, since I have had a few of you comment on this, and seem interested I figured I'd just post the 2nd Part.  It's gonna be Christmas, or it's the Holiday season, so WTH.   I'll try and post the last part tomorrow afternoon.  So, enjoy.  Oh, and this one is long.

 
Nograpes Theory Part II:

I was planning to dive right into the "investigative" aspect of
my theory, but I have decided to save it for the conclusion [parts 6 &
7]. *Nograpes only posted 3 parts.  The investigative is included 
in this Part II near the end.*

 Part II is going to explain: (1) How I think Tupac survived;
(2) Whom I believe helped him do it; (3) Why this is all necessary
[motivation]; and (4) What I think the last piece of the puzzle is.


I [think] the Black Liberation Army (BLA) helped Tupac "evade" death.
BLA's Commander & Chief [was] John Thomas. No facts and No specific
data is revealed regarding the activity of the BLA in order to protect
people who are either functioning in the BLA, [Tupac], or who have
been apart of it. (The BLA is basically a secret underground, not
many people believe they are still "active". "The Black Liberation
Army is a politico-military organization, whose primary objective is to
fight for the independence and self-determination of Afrikan, and
other oppressed people in the United States."

"BPP-BLA, "comrade" Assata Shakur was liberated, and BLA soldiers
were captured during Nyack Brinks armored car expropriation
[Mutulu Shakur was one of them the "mastermind"]


I. Understand these terms: COMRADE, and MASTERMIND.

Definition of Mastermind: A highly intelligent person, especially one
who plans and directs a complex or difficult project.

Definition of Comrade: A fellow member of a fraternal group, political party,
etc. Also: A member of the Communist party, or someone with strongly leftist
views.

A. Know that Tupac is both a comrade and a mastermind. Take note [that]
his only uses of the word came at the "end" in the Makaveli album
etc...Various times he mentions "his" comrades, we also hear
speeches from some mixed in with songs, he mentions Sekou Odinga
[Yafeu Fulu's father], Geronimo Pratt, Mutulu, Mumia, etc. as his
equals.


I. The murder of BLA Commander John Thomas in September 1996
[in Las Vegas, NV] as well as Dr. Shakur's statement from "part
I" ["Surely the FBI was in Las Vegas on Sept. 7, 1996"] is more
than enough "evidence" to me, that Agents were present.

[Remember the MURDER TAPE? Well it was first introduced to you
all as a "SURVEILLANCE VIDEO."]  How many times has Tupac stated
that he was "under Surveillance" by the Feds?  About a dozen [more on that later]


Tupac had a plan for that night.  He knew going to Las Vegas was
unavoidable [it is a common fact that he repeatedly told Suge he
didn't want to go]. *He also told his bodyguard Michael Moore, 
and I think even mentioned it to his other bodyguard Frank White.*

However, he didn't go alone, his Comrades [who waited anxiously to
attack the first Agent they saw] were watching Tupac. Agents
concerned with the assassination "stopped" the BMW [if you recall,
the excuse was "loud music"] in order to create a change of plans.
You see Tupac never expected to get shot that night, he planned to
go to WAR! But something happened and I'm not sure what, but
John Thomas ended up dead, and Tupac was successfully "shot 4x's"
[Lord knows what else they did] *warlike codes are dispatched to
other comrades...MAU MAU UNTIS, RIDE OR DIE - RIDE OR DIE!
Do you know what it means? It means: "the enemy is here, kill or be killed."
Javana Thomas: the 19 year old daughter of John and Ignae Thomas, was
"undercover" as a Paramedic. [who called for an ambulance? They say it
was metro bike cops, but they never identified those men so they are full
of shit in my opinion, besides I like my theory much better and I can prove
half of it] Javana arrived to the location with another comrade, no one
suspected anything, and they took Tupac away in an ambulance!!  All I
know is Tupac got to the hospital, and Javana was found dead in a
medical uniform! [Fact or fiction? Go to your local library and look up old
articles] It is my belief that the mystery "paramedics" were BLA souljas....

---------------------------------------------------------------------
There are so many theories out there on who killed Tupac. My theory is
quite simple and to the point. Anyone who knows anything about
COINTELPRO would easily see this as another one of the government's
plots to create dissention amongst black people. See, I see it like this. The
government at some level was involved in the death of our comrade. By
assassinating Bro. Tupac, this would cause an all out war from east to
west.  They used Tupac's anger towards east coast rappers as a stimulus
to create a war amongst us. If the US can find a microchip in a trackload
of sugar, surely they can find those responsible. There are cameras all over
Las Vegas, yet, not one was in the vicinity of the shooting? Conveniently
all the evidence pointed to Orlando "Baby Lane" Anderson (the beating
victim earlier that evening). And then he was killed.


Then we look at the murder of Yaki Khaddafi in New Jersey. You have
to look at a lot of things to understand what's going on. If this was all an
operation to help Tupac avoid prison in New York and to leave Death
Row....The Black Liberation Army is the one group who could've made
it happen.


If you think you're not understanding that Tupac was very close to, and
apart of, the Black Liberation Army [the new generation] he is commander
now of the Code of Arms: THUG LIFE.  The BLA & Tupac did make it
happen. Note: John Thomas and Ignae Thomas took care of Sekiyma
Shakur [Tupac's little sister] when Afeni started using drugs. Tupac went
on about his career [early days w/ digital underground, etc] He went to
Atlanta to get "Training" from Mr. John Thomas himself.  They are all
one big extended family of "souljahs," just want to make that clear,
in case you're not sure why the BLA would have been involved, and
Tupac is the BLA.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Investigative Aspect:

The day of his death , "I Aint Mad At Cha" and "Life Goes On" are
released, both of which talk about his death. According to Chris Reid,
"I Aint Mad At Cha" talks about forgiving a friend who was present at
his death, or possibly set him up. Yeah, wassup Suge? Everybody knows
you killed his ass, BUT ONLY I KNOW YOU JUST TRIED TO.......

A "drive by" is defined as: when shots are fired from a "moving" vehicle.
There was no drive by, cause the vehicle was not moving, and the
assailant(s) got out of the vehicle. So why was the BMW shot so many
times if the shooter had direct contact? Cause it was suppose to look like
a drive by.  Why was Tupac found in the back seat?  If he moved in the
back seat and they sprayed the car that much with him and Suge still in it,
then how the fuck was he hit only 4x, lol, and Suge not at all?  Common
sense. [Watch CSI or something]  *Too me this is a little confusing.  
Also, Suge was grazed by 1 bullet on his head...all those shots and 
only 1 grazes him...hmmm. lol*

The shooter got out of the vehicle, the vehicle was not moving....[It is
a fact, not a belief, that the shooter approached the car, Suge said
that himself (he slipped up)]. Tupac got his finger shot or cut off [it
was missing.  How exactly has not yet been determined]  How do we
know it's missing?  An interview with rapper Yo-Yo.  Reports from
David Pugh of UMC [newspaper articles from 1996 with comments
from the director of media relations stating he had several wounds,
including a missing middle finger]. His injuries imply that there was
some type of struggle.

09/1996 Tupac stayed at the Luxor Hotel. After the incident with
"Orlando Anderson" he went back to his room.  He was upset cuz
he was suppose to meet up with the Outlawz, but they didn't show!!!

How do we know this? A worker at the Luxor Hotel told reporters
of Tupac's odd behavior.  She said "He came to the front desk more
than 5x in 30 minutes asking if his friends came looking for him or
left a message.  Even after I told him no he said "are you sure?"  I
would say he was a little paranoid or nervous about something".

Yassmyn Fulu, one of the [remaining] Outlawz, "That's blood in my eye"
she says, "blood in my eye." If you don't know what it means, it
means betrayal, but so deep that now she wants revenge, she sees
only their blood.

Why didn't the Outlawz meet Tupac at the MGM?  LOL damn!!!! Fear is
stronger than love, however, comrade Kadafi is different.  He was aware
and was purposely held back from getting to where Pac was. Even
witness's say Kadafi was on the other side of the hospital lobby when
the rest of the Outlawz were on the opposite side.  Why did he keep his
distance?  He knew shit was foul, guess what guys? THAT'S WHY HE'S
DEAD!  You think he was gonna be quiet?  That's Tupac's family [the
people involved in the movement considered themselves one big family.
That's why Yaki and Pac grew up so close, plus for those who ain't
knowin', SEKOU ODINGA, member of the BLA, in prison for life, is
Yaki's father.  So the feds wanted him too....  *Also, the Vegas Detective 
who was on the case, forget his name at the moment, has said that 
Kadafi was the only one willing to come forward with a statement, 
and said he had seen the gunmen.  But for some reason, he went back 
to New Jersey, and was suppose to return to answer questions, but he 
was killed before he had the chance.

Tupac got ------over big time.

Suge Knight would have been clear if he wouldn't have gotten greedy,
cause of his greed Tupac figured out what was really going on....
Tupac made a call to Yassmyn Fulu to set up the down payment for
the new building that was suppose to house Euthanasia Records....
Yassmyn calls Pac back.....

"There is no money in your account"

"What?!" Tupac is pissed, REASON WHY THE CONTRACT IS
HIGHLIGHTED IN THE MOVIE [RESURRECTION]....is because he was
suppose to be paid a "$1 million advance for 3 albums, non-refundable and
due upon signing [Sept. 16, 1995] "$1.5 million for publishing [Tupac wrote
all his lyrics] "$500,000 due upon receiving "R U Still Down."  "$500,000
due upon receiving "untitled final album" [which of course was later called
Makaveli: the don Killuminati 7 day theory]

"For Tupac A. Shakur Total amounts paid shall be $4.75 million for 3 albums
[2.25 refundable] which the following projects add $1 million each:
"Live To Tell" [screenplay]

"Before I sign, these things must be included and the changes must be
made.  The option clause must be voluntary" [all figures from actual
contract] Tupac FIRED David Kenner....and then he thought!  He
thought long and hard...

Suge is my friend why would he not pay me? etc etc etc, Tupac started
putting shit together thinking about everything...he tested Suge.

"I think I'm gonna go to Atlanta to work things out with my family..."-Pac

"No you have to come to Vegas man..."-Suge

Something else to ponder: the reason why Tupac stayed "alive" so long is
cause Suge is greedy.  He liked the money Tupac was making for him,
but he was suppose to get rid of him ASAP [ha! that's why it didn't work,
he took too long]  Everything got rushed, because Pac fired David Kenner
and officially LEFT Death Row.  Suge knew he had to hurry up and do it
while people assumed they were so "close," that way most people wouldn't
think of him as a suspect cause he was a "friend."  But this would have
went down...say in September of 1997, and Pac would have had his own
company up and running with no more ties to Death Row....he would be
looked at differently...don't even let me get started on Travon Lane.  He
really fucked up by going to Club 662 [which is really derived from the
California penal code for death row [662], not the letters M.O.B. from
the telephone key pad lol] Tray got to the club and told people "Pac
just got shot by that crip we jumped earlier at the MGM, Baby Lane
[Orlando Anderson] hence, he began spreading their "alibi."  *Just my
own note:  I actually think the 662 was done for both purposes.  For 
the penal code of death row, since the company name is Death Row, 
and M.O.B. since it has two meanings:  Money Over Bitches, which 
is what Suge seemed to believe, and Member Of Bloods, which Suge 
was.  

LOL, someone please explain how the hell Tray knew that?  When #1
they all said they didn't see the shooters [they lied] #2 Suge lied cause
he said he didn't know who shot Pac or have any idea, plus #3,
everyone who was following behind the BMW was held at the scene
by the police...So how did Tray, Buntry, Neckbone and Heron [who
just so happened to all be riding in one car together [4 men!] get away?

How did they get away?  Why weren't they held?  How?  Why?
Impossible!  They did it!  That's how they got away!  Tupac was
caught off guard cuz the people who pulled up next to him were
familiar faces!!!  BUNTRY is no blood, he is a member of the
BOUNTY KILLAS, and they are known for killing anyone for price!!!

*****That was just a couple of key points I wanted to make before
continuing on with my "theory."  It is important that you keep the
above information in mind while I continue on with my theory,
otherwise you will get confused.  This is a very complex theory and
I'm doing my best to explain it as clear as possible.

One person's theory is another statement of the facts?

I put a lot of time into the theories I write. I spend countless hours
gathering correct dates, and specific facts to back up the majority of
what I say, and for that reason I tend to be extremely sensitive to
any opposition that is not also supported with substantial evidence.
My theory differs from that of others cause I believe it 100%. I
really cannot stress the amount of appreciation I have for you all that take
the time to read my thoughts, findings and facts.-Nograpes*****